just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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