I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
