idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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