Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
