So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
