You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We're too hungover to prance.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
