Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm jealous of your bromance
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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