Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
