this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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