first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We got so high we made milksteak
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
