It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
