note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
