Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
