Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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