So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
