I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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