forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
