This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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