You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My pussy is not your playground.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
