Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
