im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
