Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I intend to get homeless drunk
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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