I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
