some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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