i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
