Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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