so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
