I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
