OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
