Duck Duck Cougar?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
