the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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