woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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