I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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