Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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