Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
