Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
