you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
