I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
