Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
