Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
