he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Acid is not a monday night drug
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
