good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
