I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
