Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
