I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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