I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
not ubering you a puppy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
