We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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