So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
