I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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