you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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