If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
