Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
