Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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