even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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