Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
