I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
