69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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