Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
