Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
