So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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