It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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