tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
