i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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