Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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