you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
