Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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