he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
