living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
