Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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