no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
