You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
