ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
