remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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