After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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