My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
