my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
