You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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