U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
