How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
